The Search for the Magic Muffin
by Alexditto
Summary: Warning: crazy use of the word muffin and other stuff ::Cpt 3 is up:: Beware the sparklies, plotholes, and Emily Dickinson. Please R&R! Please?
1. In the Beginning, there were muffins…

Alex: OK, this may not be wonderful, but I wanted to write a comedy, and I had a horrible case of writer's block. So, like magic, The Fairly Oddparents movie was on, and I though, "what better than a story about a muffin!  
  
Sour: Ouch. This is pathetic. A muffin?  
  
Alex: Hey, shut up! I don't see you giving me any ideas!  
  
Sour: How about penguins?  
  
Alex: OK, that works! Now, on with the.story?  
  
Ivan: By the way, I just thought I'd take care of this for Alex. Alex does not own Golden Sun (although he wishes he did), does not own The Fairly Oddparents (and he's glad he doesn't), and doesn't wish to cause any harm or trauma to muffins or penguins.  
  
Alex: Thank you Ivan. Oh, and if anyone out there has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them, and I'll probably put them in my story and credit you.  
  
One more thing! I, Alex, am the Narrator in this story, and am (unfortunately) unrelated to the Alex who is known to have Blue hair and is not evil. (I am still hoping to discover otherwise)  
  
******************************  
  
Chapter 1: In the Beginning, there were muffins.  
  
Alex: Our saga starts early one morning with young Ivan, staying upstairs in Kra-  
  
Sour: Very early one morning, might I add.  
  
Alex: Yes, very early. As I was saying, our saga starts with young Ivan lying in bed in Kraden's hou-  
  
Kraden: (Pounding on the door) Ivan! Wake up!  
  
Alex: Oh, whatever. I'll just go with it.  
  
Ivan: (Looking very groggy) Uggggg  
  
Kraden: ::Bang Bang Bang::  
  
Ivan: Oh Jupiter! Why do old people have to get up so early?  
  
Alex: Because they fall asleep at 5:00 in the afternoon. Now get up!  
  
Ivan: (Grumbles, murmurs something about not being paid enough) I'm coming!  
  
Ivan: I'm up Kraden. (emerges in the kitchen, wearing pajamas with little Jupiter Djinn on them, and purple fuzzy slippers)  
  
Ivan: What's for breakfast?  
  
Kraden: Muffins!  
  
Ivan: ::Gasps:: Muffins!  
  
Kraden: Yes muffins, they should be right here.oh no! Where have they gone?  
  
Alex: Kraden opens the cupboard only to find that the muffins have been taken!  
  
Ivan: Well thank you Mr. Obvious.  
  
Alex: Oh shut up, midget.  
  
Ivan: Who you calling a midget, shorty?  
  
::Huge dust cloud battle erupts::  
  
Sour: Later.  
  
Alex: Anywho, Kraden immediately calls the group over to tell them about the missing muffins.  
  
Kraden: (Whispering into the telephone) And I'd like a large, with anchovies and extra mustard sauce.  
  
Alex: As I was saying, hem hem, KRADEN CALLS THE GROUP OVER.  
  
Kraden: Oh, sorry. Yes, Isaac, round up everyone and come at once, I have terrible news.  
  
(Doorbell rings)  
  
Ivan: (emerging from dust cloud) I'll get it! (Opens the door)  
  
Isaac: Hello. Isaac's pizza delivery. That will be $14.99.  
  
Picard: We're all here.  
  
Kraden: Yes, I am so glad the pizza.I mean, you all came. I must explain to you in a long drawn out speech why it is imperative that you set out on an extremely long journey across hundreds of miles on foot. The space time- continuum has had large fluctuations in the total area of the optical spectrum. (He pulls out a huge chalkboard from behind the refrigerator and starts to write on it) As you can see, the limit of the function described by the total integral of the total entropy of the universe is monotonic, and is there for overall increasing. Existentialistic matter provides that the total number of muffins in the overall kinetic energy described by Euler's non planar geometry.  
  
Felix: (Nodding off) Can anybody understand this guy?  
  
Picard: (Also nodding off) Even I can't understand him.  
  
Garet: All I got out of it was the muffin part. (Starts to snore)  
  
Jenna: Oh, how about we just ask Alex?  
  
Isaac: Alex? You mean the all powerful narrator guy? He should know. he has the whole plot of this story somewhere in that overly large brain of his.  
  
Alex: Watch it, Isaac. I could make it so you can't talk again.  
  
Isaac: No!  
  
Sheba: Hey Alex, what's this old guy saying?  
  
Alex: Well, in a very general sense, he is saying that he needs you to go on the search for the magic muffin.  
  
Kraden: (Looking very angry that he was denied a long speech) Yes yes, if you want to put it into fourth grade terms.  
  
Mia: (Appearing very angry) ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT WE HAVE THE EDUCATION OF FOURTH GRADERS?  
  
Kraden: (Hiding behind the chalkboard) No, I was just. I'm not feeling so well. (runs off upstairs)  
  
Everyone: HOORAY! Kraden is gone!  
  
(Sour walks by with sign saying 20 minutes later)  
  
Sour: Why do I have to hold the stupid sign?  
  
Alex: Because I said so! (Alex suddenly looks very tall and menacing)  
  
Sour: Yipe!  
  
Picard: Ummm Yeah. so, are we ready?  
  
Isaac: Yes!  
  
Alex: And so, the group is off on another adventure. Who knows what is in store for them? Oh wait, I do! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
*********************************************  
  
Alex: OK, so, how did you like it? I'm not very good at the funny stuff. but I'm learning!  
  
Sour: Pathetic!  
  
Alex: You couldn't do better!  
  
Sour: Oh yes I could! Actually, I am currently working on a new move entitled, "Gone with the Djinn" (Pulls director hat out of nowhere). Here's the script. (Pulls a huge stack of papers out of the same nowhere)  
  
Alex: I'm not posting that! You have way too much free time, which I don't! So people, don't forget to push the little button down there in the corner that says review! Till next chapter! (Walks off sing, So Long, Farewell, from Sound of Music)  
  
Sour: AAAAAAACK it's evil! Vile, horrible, disgusting, revolting, nauseating, RUN AWAY! (Flips over on his side, twitching) 


	2. Where have all the muffins gone?

Alex: And we're back with another horrifying chapter.  
  
Sour: Not this again.couldn't you update your other story, the half decent one?  
  
Alex: I could, but.I'm still working out the next chapter. Please review, no flames, constructive criticism, you know the drill. Oh, and Akiko, anything for you. Just don't tell Garet, OK?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun, or any of the other things I have allusions to.  
  
Sour: Alex doesn't want to get sued for anything, 'cause then he'd have to put me up for sale on Ebay. Poor me.  
  
Alex: One dollar! Do I hear one dollar?  
  
*********************************************************** Chapter 2: Where have all the muffins gone?  
  
Alex: And so, our characters have began their travels to find the all- knowing magic muffin.  
  
Felix: Can we get to another town already?  
  
Alex: OK, the group reaches the town of Vault.  
  
Felix: Not this town again!  
  
Alex: What, is there a problem?  
  
Felix: No, it's just...this place is boring.  
  
Alex: Don't complain to me, this first town was Nintendo's idea.  
  
Picard: Looks like their creative juices weren't flowing very well for this portion of the world.  
  
Garet: OK, how about something more exotic?  
  
::Scenery changes to an island in the middle of the ocean::  
  
Ivan: Wonderful. Now how are we ever supposed to find this muffin on a desert island?  
  
Mia: How about we use this conveniently placed ladder that has a sign pointing to it saying "take this ladder to get to the magic muffin." Come one, Isaac my love. Be a good boy and go down the scary ladder. Please?  
  
Isaac: No!  
  
Mia: (Glares at Isaac) MOVE NOW! (She starts to glow a dark blue)  
  
Isaac: Eeeep!  
  
::He runs toward the ladder, and falls::  
  
Isaac: AAAAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhhh-bang!  
  
Garet: At least we know it has a bottom...  
  
Ivan: Let's go.  
  
::Down the ladder::  
  
Garet: Wonderful. It's a damp, scary, dark cave. And it's freezing in here.  
  
Mia: I actually like it down here. Away from that awful sun.  
  
Isaac: How can you see down here?  
  
Picard: It must be our special water property...ish...ness. We see in the dark!  
  
Sheba: Look over there!  
  
Everyone: Ooooh!  
  
Ivan: It's a su-  
  
Alex: Later, the group discovers that the ladder leads to a cave, which leads to a mountain range, which leads to an ice cream truck, which leads to an asteroid, which leads to a sub-atomic particle, which leads to a giant bunny, which leads to a small town in Kansas, which leads t-  
  
Picard: (Panting) Hold on! We can't keep up!  
  
Sheba: I'm not feeling so good...  
  
Jenna: You cut off the most suspenseful part of the story!  
  
Garet: So, what is the point of this story again?  
  
::Mia smacks him::  
  
Mia: The Muffin, remember?  
  
Garet: Oww! Where are we? Who am I? Wait...I seem to remember...fire!  
  
::Flames shoot out of his hands::  
  
Garet: Oooo pretty sparklies! I like the sparklies! I want more sparklies!  
  
Ivan: Oh no! Garret's become an idi- wait, he was an idiot before. So what is he now?  
  
Isaac: I don't know. Maybe he's a super idiot.  
  
::Everyone looks at Isaac, stunned::  
  
Mia: Isaac, you can speak! It's a miracle!  
  
Everyone: Hooray!  
  
Isaac: Now everyone, let's continue with our quest!  
  
Sheba: This is going to be one long story...  
  
Alex: The group continues to travel, with Garet acting like more of an idiot than usual-  
  
Jenna: Hey!  
  
Alex: Oh, sorry. I mean, Garet temporarily out of mind, and with still no muffins to be found.  
  
Felix: Look, a muffin!  
  
Alex: Strike that.  
  
Sheba: It looks like a sort of symbol...  
  
Picard: (Looks on the back of the muffin) It says made in China!  
  
Isaac: Onward to China!  
  
Alex: Later, in China...  
  
Felix: We just jumped to China? Just like that? You just left a huge plot hole?  
  
Alex: Come on! You aren't supplying me with ideas here! I have to come up with all of them. Work with me.  
  
Isaac: Now what?  
  
Ivan: Let's ask the locals where to find the Muffins.  
  
Sheba: Great idea!  
  
Random peasant worker 1: Shook! Nin sut insh miska!  
  
Picard: Well, he doesn't sound too happy.  
  
Felix: Maybe that's because we're Japanese characters, and the Chinese are our mortal enemies.  
  
Sheba: That could be it.  
  
Picard: I think he just called us all penguins.  
  
Garet: Does man want sparklies? I give man sparklies!  
  
::Garet sends off sparks that ignite the field of rice::  
  
Many random peasant workers: Wiki Wiki! Fugin Bin!  
  
Isaac: Okay... maybe we should leave.  
  
Dark scary shadowy person: No! Wait. You are seeking the muffins, correct?  
  
Sheba: Yes. What do you know?  
  
DSSP: Do you know...The Muffin Man?  
  
Group minus Garet: The Muffin Man?  
  
DSSP: Yes, The Muffin Man.  
  
Isaac: Who lives on Drury Lane?  
  
DSSP: Yes. You must find him, and learn of the secret muffin assemblage.  
  
Alex: And so, thanks to an mysterious person, the group must set off to find this "Drury Lane."  
  
*************************************************  
  
Alex: And so ends another chapter. What will become of the group? Will they ever find the Magic Muffin? And if so...will Garet ever stop acting like an idget? Log in next time to find out!  
  
(Sorry about the "Chinese" FF.net doesn't support foreign characters)  
  
Sour: Just press the button down there to comment on how lousy this story was! (No flames, though. Alex does not like those, and I volunteer to stalk anyone who does leave a flame).  
  
Alex: Or, if you liked it, tell me! Oh, and people who can tell me where the end part of the story came from get an extra special piece of fairy cake. Until next time, Ciao! 


	3. Your Muffin, should you choose to accept...

Alex: Another chapter! To appease the Village Idiot!  
  
Sour: I would personally like to thank all the people who reviewed, for inspiring Alex...  
  
Alex: Yeah, Sour doesn't have to bug me as much if I have the will to update. So thank you: VI, Nintendo Gamer, DaFlyingPuppy, Akiko, VanillaCat, ChibiSkunkSaria, and Djinn Xpert!  
  
Sour: Oh, and I have the honor of handing out extra-special fairy cake! The winners were...  
  
Alex: Akiko! VI! And Nintendo Gamer!  
  
Sour: You will be receiving your extra special fairy cake in the mail, provided you send us $99.99 Shipping and handling! Hurry folks! This is only available on this special TV offer!  
  
Alex: What?! Sour, you're ripping the reviewers off!  
  
Sour: Heeheeheehee...  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Chapter 3: Your muffin, should you choose to accept it...  
  
Alex: We join our party as a huge battle erupts against a fearsome enemy creature!  
  
:: Extra small Rat Warrior appears, holding a tiny toy sword::  
  
Rat Warrior: Grrrr!  
  
Picard: This is the fearsome enemy creature? Looks more like a household pest to me.  
  
Mia: Eeew! It's a rat! Kill it for me, Isaac.  
  
Jenna: Hey! I think it is sort of cute!  
  
Ivan: Come here little ratty-wat- *Thud*  
  
::The rat had thrown its sword at Ivan, smacking him on the head::  
  
Sheba: ::Giggling hysterically:: That was great, Ivan. You and the rat should make friends.  
  
Garet: Sparkles for the mousy! ::Raises his hand::  
  
Felix: Garet! NO!  
  
Garet: Pyroclasmy stuff!  
  
Picard: What type of attack is that?  
  
::A giant pillar of lava erupts from the ground, burning the rat into a tiny little cinder::  
  
Isaac: We're having rat tonight! I hope everyone is hungry!  
  
Sour: Later...  
  
Felix: ::Licking his fingers:: That was the best rat I have ever had.  
  
Sheba: You've had rat before?!?  
  
Felix: Of course.  
  
Alex: Suddenly, a giant plot hole appears in the ground, and the entire company of Adepts falls in. They fall, and fall, and fall, swirling around in an endless vortex of flashing lights.  
  
Garet: Me thinksies me am going to be sicksies...  
  
Ivan: Here you are, Garet. ::Hands him a paper bag::  
  
Felix: That rat does not taste so good anymore...  
  
Mia: ALEX! Stop this at once!  
  
Alex: Awww... but it is fun! Anyway, I'm almost finished.  
  
Mia: ::Scowling:: You had better be.  
  
Alex: And so, the Adepts exited the plot hole, and fell onto the ground in a giant heap.  
  
*Clunk*  
  
Garet: Wha- what happened? Where are we?  
  
Jenna: Garet, get a grip. You have just suffered from the stereotypical bout of amnesia, because the author of this story has no idea what he is doing...  
  
Alex: Watch your step...  
  
::Jenna suddenly falls into another well-placed plot hole::  
  
Garet: Jen? Jenna, where are you?  
  
Felix: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER, ALEX?  
  
Alex: Oh... nothing... ::Begins to run away::  
  
Felix: YOU GET BACK HERE AND BRING HER BACK! ::Runs after him::  
  
Picard: Well, that was completely improbable.  
  
Isaac: Come gang! Let us valiantly continue on our quest! We must find Drury Lane, in order to rescue the magic muffin from the evil clutches of evil!  
  
Ivan: Uh, Isaac?  
  
Isaac: We must courageously throw ourselves into imminent danger in order to do the right thing! We must put our lives on the line, and exhaust our power to kill whatever evil is hording the magic muffin!  
  
Ivan: Isaac?  
  
Isaac: We must save the worl-  
  
Mia: ISAAC! STOP IT NOW!  
  
Isaac: What? What did I do?  
  
Mia: You were babbling again, honey.  
  
Isaac: Oh... sorry. What did you want, Ivan?  
  
:: Ivan points to the street sign about five feet away::  
  
Garet: Drury Lane and Carbon Road.  
  
Sheba: Carbon? Why Car- wait. I'm not going to ask.  
  
Alex: *Cough TRIAD Cough*  
  
Felix: Let's press on, and try to find this...(Cue scary music) SECRET MUFFIN ASSEMBLAGE! ::Lightning flashes::  
  
Isaac: Whoa. How does he do that?  
  
Sheba: ::Hands crackling with electricity:: Hehehehe...  
  
Garet: What is this assemblage you talk of?  
  
Ivan: Do you really want to know?  
  
Garet: Yeah, tell me!  
  
Ivan: Oh, I'll do better than that...  
  
::Ivan walks up to Garet, grabs his wrist, and casts mind read. His eyes glow a deep purple::  
  
Garet: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! The horror! ::Begins twitching in Ferret Shock::  
  
Ivan: Too much randomness for you, huh sparkly boy?  
  
Picard: ::Slowly stepping away:: O_o;...let's move on, shall we?  
  
Alex: Finally, the group minus Jenna-  
  
Felix and Garet: ::Sniffle::  
  
Alex: -all enter the house of the muffins on Drury Lane.  
  
Garet: ::Still twitching:: How do we know *twitch* that this is the right *twitch* house?  
  
::Sheba sighs, pointing to a red neon sign that reads "The famous Drury Lane muffin assemblage house, as mentioned in the song," and other blue neon sign that said "Adepts trying to find the magic muffin welcome."::  
  
Ivan: Wow. That's oddly specific.  
  
???: HELP!  
  
Picard: Who is that?  
  
Felix: I'd know that voice anywhere. It has to be... wait, it's on the tip of my tongue... I'm almost got it... oh, I know! It has to be Julia Roberts! Oh, darn, and I forgot my autograph book.  
  
Julia Roberts: What are you talking about? Felix, don't you know who I am? Actually, I don't care. Get me down from here!  
  
Sheba: It's Jenna! And she's tied to the weathervane on the top of the really steep roof!  
  
Alex: And there are hurricane force winds!  
  
::Whoosh goes the wind!::  
  
Alex: And lightning!  
  
::Flash goes the lightning::  
  
Alex: And thunder!  
  
::Crash goes the thunder!::  
  
Alex: And a rabid duck!  
  
::Wherple, wherple, wherple goes the rabid duck::  
  
Alex: And-  
  
Not Julia Roberts: Do you have to vex the situation so?  
  
Alex: Of course! I'm the author of this fic! And you are welcome.  
  
Not Julia Roberts: ::Growls::  
  
Felix: Don't worry! I'll save you, Julia!  
  
::Felix causes the ground beneath the famous muffin house to tremble and turn into quicksand. The roof of the house quickly falls to ground level, and Felix goes and gets Not Julia Ro- I mean, Jenna::  
  
Felix: I saved you... but you're not Julia Roberts!  
  
Really, definitely not Julia Roberts: Of course not! Come on, don't you know your own flesh and blood?  
  
Felix: Of course! I would know you anywhere... Emily Dickinson.  
  
::The entire group falls over::  
  
Picard: But Felix sunk the muffin house! What are we going to do now?  
  
Isaac: I have an idea. I can just use sand, and get into the restaurant!  
  
Mia: Brilliant, my snuggle wugums. Go for it.  
  
Isaac: Sand! ::Isaac falls to the ground and turns into a hand::  
  
Ivan: It's cousin It!  
  
Sheba: Ouch. Looks like Isaac didn't quite finish learning that one from Felix.  
  
::Isaac turns back into his old self::  
  
Isaac: Sand!  
  
::He falls to the ground again, and turns into a fan::  
  
Mia: Wow, look at that lovely fan! I give it ten points.  
  
Felix: No, no, Isaac! You do it like this! SAND!  
  
::Felix falls to the ground and turns into a wand::  
  
Harry Potter: I've been lookin' for this! Good show!  
  
Picard: Ugg...I knew the cross over thing was coming sooner or later.  
  
Ivan: ::Clears his through:: 'ello Harry. 'Ow are things going at 'Ogwards?  
  
HP: Oh, not bad. Learned a new spell today.  
  
Ivan: Really? Good show! Let's have a go with it, then. How about on that roof there?  
  
::Harry picks up Felix, and waves him about::  
  
HP: Emilia Dickensonia!  
  
::The Roof on the muffin joint got up, and slowly danced away::  
  
Roof: Because I could not stop for death, it kindly stopped for me.  
  
Ivan: 'Ive that 'ere! ::Grabs wand:: IMOBULUS!  
  
::The roof falls down on the ground::  
  
Garet: Nice one, Ivan.  
  
::The group claps politely::  
  
Ivan: Well, you must be off then.  
  
HP: Good by, everyooh-  
  
::Falls into a random plot hole::  
  
Picard: O_o;  
  
::A huge gold flash of light is seen, and Isaac and Felix turn back to normal::  
  
Not Emily Dickinson: Let's just get this over with. ::She jumps down into the restaurant, everyone follows::  
  
Felix: MUFFINS! All over the walls! And so many different types.  
  
Isaac: They have apple muffins, banana muffins, banana nut muffins, nut muffins, walnut muffins, drywall muffins, brick muffins...  
  
Felix: Orange muffins, fruity muffins, lemon muffins, bran muffins, oatmeal muffins, cheddar muffins, colby muffins, Swiss muffins, Swiss army muffins, hard tack muffins.  
  
Mia: STOP IT; YOUR CONSTANT BABLING IS DRIVING US ALL APART!  
  
Picard: O_o; I'm leaving.  
  
The Muffin Man: Wait. You are seeking the secret muffin assemblage, correct?  
  
Picard: Yes! Yes, we need to find the magic muffin.  
  
TMM: Never heard of it. But, there is a small gas station down the street. They may be able to help you. Oh, and...the answer you seek is amongst you.  
  
Garet: Wonderful. Now I am more confused than ever.  
  
************************************************ Alex: And so, concludes another chapter of our tale. Tune in next time for more muffiney goodness. And sorry about this chapter being so long. I had way too much time in the car.  
  
Sour: I still think Gone with the Djinn would be a better story anyway.  
  
Alex: Mysteriousness... will be revealed in future chapters. If it was too crazy, I apologize in advance. Now, hit that little button down there, and tell me what you think.  
  
|| || \\ // || V 


End file.
